I have put together a list of Frequently Asked Questions* in response to overwhelming requests

Is it true you drink all of this wine?

No, this is not true at all, I don’t drink any of the wine.  Back in the late 90’s I invented a wine tasting robot, I just roll it out in the afternoon, switch it on and a mere 3-4 hours later it has come up with a concise and increasingly depended upon review.

How can I sponsor you in your drinking odyssey?

I can be contacted here.  I will provide an address to ship to and a personalised photo of myself with a wine grin after guzzling the grape juice!

Do you really have a wine tasting robot?

Yeah, nah.  I just made it up to sound cooler.

What is the best wine you have ever tried?

I should say something like ‘whatever wine I am drinking with people I love’, however it would have to be vintage Krug.

What is the worst thing you have ever drunk?

Probably Mekong Whsikey in Thailand, or meths, of that time I drank dirt.  Not sure if they are different in any meaningful way really.

Aren’t you afraid your kids will read this and become alcoholics?

Hell no, they were alcoholics well before I started writing this rubbish.  Seriously, my parents smoked, and yet somehow I am a non smoker.  I would hope that if they enjoy drinking that they do it responsibly.  Except on Wednesdays.

What is your favourite music to listen to on a lazy Sunday afternoon with a glass of a Bordeaux style red?

Good question.  Helmet, or maybe Fleetwood Mac, or Run DMC, or potentially Neil Young.  Liking the new Red Hot Chili Peppers album at the moment too.

Do you take all of these amazing** photos yourself?  And if so, what equipment do you use?

Yes I do!  The award*** winning photos are taken using my kitchen table, a white sheet of plastic for the background and a grease covered bit of card for the base!  For my camera I use my iPhone, set to ‘Automatic’ and edit in phone to make square and stuff!

I am also available to shoot Weddings, Bar Mitzvahs and the occasional music video.

I can be contacted here

Do you need any assistance drinking the wine?

Yes!  You just need to supply the wine, the venue and pay me and you can help out as much as you would like.

I can be contacted here

Will you continue on through September/October/November?

Drinking, yes, writing crap at the same time, maybe.

Anyway, thats all we have time for folks, Hei Konei Ra.

*Never Asked Questions

** Crap

*** Self awarded